Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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