Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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