Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
