I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
