All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
