yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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