I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
