Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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