I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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