I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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