Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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