i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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