just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
