So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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