whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
