About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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