Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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