i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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