I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well you can't waste a boner
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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