First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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