dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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