my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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