not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
