Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
