I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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