Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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