if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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