im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I see more hoeing in ur future
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
