Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
