very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
