Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
