im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
