Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
