The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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