her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
