you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
