real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
