If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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