look no pants
I CAN MOONWALK!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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