It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
