I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
