1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
