I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Acid is not a monday night drug
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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