And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
