Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.