Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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