Already got asked if we're dating
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.