I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.