now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð