you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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