Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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