i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
