what day is it and did you see me today?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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