Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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