I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Mom said you looked used
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
