i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do herpes really smell.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
