Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You made out with two different species that night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
