"it" just moved
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
