just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
