dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
