it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
