I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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