Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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