I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
