trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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