He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
