Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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