**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
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I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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