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proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
