Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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