i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize