WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
