Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
