We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
