Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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